Being "Thankful"

I wrote this at Thanksgiving and decided that it was pretty self serving so i didn't post it. I still feel this way but recent events, specifically the earthquake in Haiti, impels me to rant a bit. I wish their were answers but i don't think their are.



I suppose to most people being thankful pretty much means the same thing. Thankful for all the good in their lives and the comforts that prosperity has brought. Thankful for their family bonds, the love of their friends and neighbors close and not so close. Thankful for their health if they have good health, if not, for the excellent care we in this country are afforded. Most of us though aren't so thankful for the few extra pounds we carry around due to just eating to much. I could go on and on because when you really start thinking about it, no matter what your situation is , we certainly have a lot to be thankful for in this country.

I went to Church yesterday and the Sermon was about being Thankful. Pastor Tom is a friend of mine and a man who I respect very much. He is gentle, introspective and very tolerant of his fellow man. He loves his Church family, each and every one of us. I think he loves me as well even though I have a large dose of heathen in me. His sermon was as usual, powerful, thoughtful and very loving, but as i was listening i realized that not everyone has things to be thankful for.
I'm not writing this for any other reason than to illustrate how thankful we really should be.

Starvation deaths, and this does not include disease, exposure, wars, accidents or any other form of unnatural death, every day approaches 25,000 souls. EVERY day! Every 2 days enough people die of just starvation to fill the Georgia Dome. Think about it, every 2 days nearly 50,000 people die because they either don't have enough food or the food they are eating is not sufficient to sustain life. Try not eating for a day, its amazing the discomfort that is felt. The pain in your belly, dizziness and lack of energy. I'm not sure many of us (if any of us) have gone a full day with out eating. Most of us whine if we happen to miss even one meal.

I accept the fact that i have done absolutely nothing to help the situation other than to be aware of it and bitch about it from time to time. That in it self is worse than being ignorant of the situation. I'm nearly 60 years old and have been aware of the problem for a very long time. I could of done "my part" but didn't and continue not to. Being honest, why i haven't is because i was and am to lazy and really didn't care very much. I will address this problem with my self later.

This Thanksgiving and from now on, each and every day i am going to become much more thankful for every thing i have. Weather its a Kings ransom or a full belly. Thankful for my friends, my family and my beautiful Beth, but what I am most thankful for is the freedom that our country has afforded me and you.

As Beth, Andrew (Beth's son) and I sit down to eat our Thanksgiving meal I am going to say a prayer for the millions of people who, at that very moment, have a very painful belly and are about to starve to death. If god is there I hope he is listening and even more, sees fit to maybe for that fleeting moment, take their pain away.

I think I am going to go with out food one day a month, maybe that will motivate me to do something other than run my mouth about the situation.

As thoughtful human beings its a shame that arrogance,selfishness and general not giving a crap seem to rule. All of us and me in particular could do a LOT more for our fellow man because deep in my heart i really do care.

Oliver

I'm not sure how appropriate my sharing this part of my life is. Most of you know that I had a son but really don't know much else. I wanted to write about and remember how proud i was and am of him and also hope it to be somewhat therapeutic as i still sometimes find it hard to accept. Maybe I just need to see it, to think about it and finally kind of just "get over it".


Oliver was born Christmas day, 1972. His full name was Oliver Eugene Williams, my first and only child. I don't remember how large he was at birth but I do remember he was very healthy. I also remember getting thrown up on in the operating room by my wife during the delivery process. His mother and I had attended Natural Child Birth classes and fully intended for him to be born the natural way. Thank goodness for epidurals.


Oliver was an especially sweet boy from the beginning. Never demanding nor was he hard to discipline (which wasn't needed often). One of his favorite things to do was share the hugs which he almost always initiated. He loved his friends, his dog and most of all his mother and father. One evening a couple of weeks before his pals Birthday party, we were laying together watching TV and he asked me out of the blue, what it was like to be dead. I really wasn't shocked ( he was always asking odd questions) and i replied that I thought it was probably like before he was born. He seemed to understand that I didn't know.


He attended the Birthday party and never came home. He was 8 years old.


Oliver and the other boys were playing as boys always seem to be doing. He ran through a plate glass door, impaled himself on the glass and bled to death before he was able to be helped. I am pretty sure immediate help wouldn't of saved his life anyway, I believe he was mortally wounded.


I remember the funeral, the tears, the grief my mother and father suffered through along with my brothers and sisters.. I remember how his mothers parents and siblings grieved for him as well. After he was killed I really don't recall much of my life. Time for me seemed to vanish. The days turned into weeks, then months and then a year came. It is kind of like a dream that you remember bits and pieces of, then my life slowly started happening again.


His death changed me a lot more than i had ever realized. I wasn't aware of it till years later. I became cynical, wallowed in my pain and selfishness and the fact that it wasn't fair and why me.


My son's death was a random accident. Many people say it was gods will to take him, or that god has a plan for me and had a plan for him. Well, I for one am not all that keen on gods plans for me or the plan he had for Oliver. I don't believe that, how could that be? His death is the main reason I have trouble understand and accepting the existence of god. I have read the scriptures pertaining to loss, the justifications why god lets things like this happen. I guess I'm just to hard headed or ignorant to see the light.


I do know this, I still miss the little guy and I am envious (in a good way) of the people I know with children. I hope they cherish every second they have with them. Children truly give people a reason to live.


I am fine, but i will forever wonder how he would of turned out.

This Christmas he would of been 37 years old.

My Gal.....Elizabeth

As a young man i was sure i would find my true love soon. Out of high school in 67' and off to college. As it turned out uncle sam had his eye on me. Between high school and college i met a girl and boy was i in love. I had found her, married her, sam got me and i did my time. We had a son and divorced in 74'.

As a man not quite so young and a tad wiser i married again in 79'. She was the best, we were best friends and i loved her so. Our marriage was built on trust and friendship more than the lust and heat of the first. We divorced in 99'

I met Elizabeth in 06' on Match dot com. I guess everyone knows its a dating service. She declared me to old and our views on many subjects were quite different. Somewhere along the way she has changed her mind about the age thing. I guess she just likes old guys.

Elizabeth is my best friend and we have a very sensual relationship as well. It seems very complete to me, at least i think so.

Elizabeth and i are engaged to be married now.

Elizabeth is a woman who is very hard to describe and im sure i would do a lousy job of it so suffice it to say that i love her.

We both are very excited about our future, i just hope from the bottom of my soul that i can measure up.

I suppose 60 is not so old after all, i feel like i did when i was 20 something but the mirror does not agree.

Elizabeth loves me anyway.

..

Time for me to share some thoughts

I have a couple of friends where I work (maybe more) that mean a lot to me. Both of them have Blogs. My pal Randy has been doing it for a while now i guess and my other pal Brent just started.

Randys Blog always has plenty of wit and wisdom with usually a generous dose of family and the lord thrown in. I think Randy would with out question give his life for either, and lives his life for both.

Brent has only written one time as yet so im not sure what the knucklehead has to share.

I have come to realize that after nearly 60 years of life that I want to share as well.
I began thinking about my life, the many lessons that I have learned, the many people i have loved and respected, the few that i doubt i will ever mention.

Im really not sure where to begin with this adventure. I want to warn the few that will ever read my thoughts that my skill as a writer are nil so be patient with me.
Hopefully my next post will have a bit of wisdom with a tad of wit as well like Randy always manages.

O, by the way......im ENGAGED!!