Oliver

I'm not sure how appropriate my sharing this part of my life is. Most of you know that I had a son but really don't know much else. I wanted to write about and remember how proud i was and am of him and also hope it to be somewhat therapeutic as i still sometimes find it hard to accept. Maybe I just need to see it, to think about it and finally kind of just "get over it".


Oliver was born Christmas day, 1972. His full name was Oliver Eugene Williams, my first and only child. I don't remember how large he was at birth but I do remember he was very healthy. I also remember getting thrown up on in the operating room by my wife during the delivery process. His mother and I had attended Natural Child Birth classes and fully intended for him to be born the natural way. Thank goodness for epidurals.


Oliver was an especially sweet boy from the beginning. Never demanding nor was he hard to discipline (which wasn't needed often). One of his favorite things to do was share the hugs which he almost always initiated. He loved his friends, his dog and most of all his mother and father. One evening a couple of weeks before his pals Birthday party, we were laying together watching TV and he asked me out of the blue, what it was like to be dead. I really wasn't shocked ( he was always asking odd questions) and i replied that I thought it was probably like before he was born. He seemed to understand that I didn't know.


He attended the Birthday party and never came home. He was 8 years old.


Oliver and the other boys were playing as boys always seem to be doing. He ran through a plate glass door, impaled himself on the glass and bled to death before he was able to be helped. I am pretty sure immediate help wouldn't of saved his life anyway, I believe he was mortally wounded.


I remember the funeral, the tears, the grief my mother and father suffered through along with my brothers and sisters.. I remember how his mothers parents and siblings grieved for him as well. After he was killed I really don't recall much of my life. Time for me seemed to vanish. The days turned into weeks, then months and then a year came. It is kind of like a dream that you remember bits and pieces of, then my life slowly started happening again.


His death changed me a lot more than i had ever realized. I wasn't aware of it till years later. I became cynical, wallowed in my pain and selfishness and the fact that it wasn't fair and why me.


My son's death was a random accident. Many people say it was gods will to take him, or that god has a plan for me and had a plan for him. Well, I for one am not all that keen on gods plans for me or the plan he had for Oliver. I don't believe that, how could that be? His death is the main reason I have trouble understand and accepting the existence of god. I have read the scriptures pertaining to loss, the justifications why god lets things like this happen. I guess I'm just to hard headed or ignorant to see the light.


I do know this, I still miss the little guy and I am envious (in a good way) of the people I know with children. I hope they cherish every second they have with them. Children truly give people a reason to live.


I am fine, but i will forever wonder how he would of turned out.

This Christmas he would of been 37 years old.

My Gal.....Elizabeth

As a young man i was sure i would find my true love soon. Out of high school in 67' and off to college. As it turned out uncle sam had his eye on me. Between high school and college i met a girl and boy was i in love. I had found her, married her, sam got me and i did my time. We had a son and divorced in 74'.

As a man not quite so young and a tad wiser i married again in 79'. She was the best, we were best friends and i loved her so. Our marriage was built on trust and friendship more than the lust and heat of the first. We divorced in 99'

I met Elizabeth in 06' on Match dot com. I guess everyone knows its a dating service. She declared me to old and our views on many subjects were quite different. Somewhere along the way she has changed her mind about the age thing. I guess she just likes old guys.

Elizabeth is my best friend and we have a very sensual relationship as well. It seems very complete to me, at least i think so.

Elizabeth and i are engaged to be married now.

Elizabeth is a woman who is very hard to describe and im sure i would do a lousy job of it so suffice it to say that i love her.

We both are very excited about our future, i just hope from the bottom of my soul that i can measure up.

I suppose 60 is not so old after all, i feel like i did when i was 20 something but the mirror does not agree.

Elizabeth loves me anyway.

..

Time for me to share some thoughts

I have a couple of friends where I work (maybe more) that mean a lot to me. Both of them have Blogs. My pal Randy has been doing it for a while now i guess and my other pal Brent just started.

Randys Blog always has plenty of wit and wisdom with usually a generous dose of family and the lord thrown in. I think Randy would with out question give his life for either, and lives his life for both.

Brent has only written one time as yet so im not sure what the knucklehead has to share.

I have come to realize that after nearly 60 years of life that I want to share as well.
I began thinking about my life, the many lessons that I have learned, the many people i have loved and respected, the few that i doubt i will ever mention.

Im really not sure where to begin with this adventure. I want to warn the few that will ever read my thoughts that my skill as a writer are nil so be patient with me.
Hopefully my next post will have a bit of wisdom with a tad of wit as well like Randy always manages.

O, by the way......im ENGAGED!!